Wednesday, February 11, 2009

TheTVObserver: Sexual Novelty vs Monogamy

Zooming In On Men… an interesting show. Season 1 was a complete nightmare and very excruciating to watch. Then Pepsi took the reigns as presenter. I don’t know if it made a difference because all the people who may be watching that show are over at SuperSport getting a good dose of variety in their sport broadcasts, whilst others are at a golf game. For some reason I don’t see a Laduma crown enjoying Zooming In On Men. The last thing they need is a metrosexual looking guy try to discuss who they are and what they do.

I really pity the people who are stuck with free TV, what little choice you have. It’s like serving under Mugabe’s government. Choice is a punishable offense. I continued to observe free TV because it has the largest audience in this country, so do the math. Example…Prison Break premiers a most recent season on Mnet and SABC3 is busy with archives and the majority of this population has no idea. So……like Jam Alley’s VMash would say “Obvious!“

Anyway, this week the show was discussing monogamy. First of all, excuse me but you have to see how hilarious this is. Men discussing monogamy, C’mon! If they could they would sleep with every women, or men – for those who swing in interesting directions, in this whole planet

Monogamy the state of having only one husband, wife, or sexual partner at any one time. Sexual monogamy refers to two persons/creatures who remain sexually exclusive with one another and have no outside sex partners, and Marital monogamy refers to marriages of only two people

Until this dude came on to argue how unnatural monogamy is amongst human beings. It got me thinking……is it natural for humans to be with one person, either when married or just a plain old relationship? Or are we designed to whore around until we reach a point where our bodies can’t take any more?

Is it humanly possible?….do you think you can do it?. To go without fantasies and wishing you hard an even better model than the one you have? We are in a world where monogamy has become an ancient practice of the now grey and shrunken species of humans. So how possible is this?

A recent article in Psychology Today profiles a therapist/author who suggests that married men with low libido can overcome this difficult situation if they just do it. According to this article, “their low sex drive often has little to do with hormones or biology and a lot to do with the women in their lives. Men today, often enough, are angry at their wives.” Readers are told that, “In the presence of a mismatch of desire, all intimacy drops out on all levels in addition to the sexual. Couples stop having meaningful conversations.”

You may be committed to monogamy but the person you find attractive and possibly end up with in a relationship or marry, may very well be the whore of Babylon. If you not lucky he or she is the King or Queen whore of Babylon.

Why do we ask the dreaded question….”how many men/women have you been with?”

You know it’s a dangerous question to ask, because if Babylon said “85” or “150” what will you do….vomit your entire lunch?. You asked the bloody question, you must be willing to take the answer. I once meet this guy through a friend who slept with over 500 women and he was very proud of it. I used to tell everyone I met about him so that the ladies could avoid him like pestilence.

A significant number of humans cheat…why? I don’t have answers to that question. All I know is that men find being with one person your entire life to be abnormal. So is being virgin when male. Whilst women don’t find a men without experience very attractive nor is virgin male. So whose fault is it?

Due to sexism and women's economic dependence on men throughout most of history, men could usually "get away with" extra-marital affairs, mistresses, sexual relationships with prostitutes, and even having several wives because womenís powerless economic and political position forced them to accept any and all behavior from their husbands. Women were much less at liberty to stray outside of marriage and have other relationships. This was partly because their primary responsibility for home and children seriously restricted their mobility, partly due to lack of effective birth control methods, and partly because the "adulteress" was usually severely punished by society for her transgression. However, the philandering husband generally was tolerated with a "boys will be boys" attitude. Unfortunately, this situation continues in most of the world.

Whilst talking to Pepsi, the anti-monogamy guy speaks of a club he runs with his wife were people walk around naked and they swap partners. He then started explaining how the things his wife may do to your husband and what he may do to your wife, may encourage you or your wife to surprise each other in bed. NO NO NO NO! NAH NO! HELL NO. My opinion is tell me your secrets don’t show me how…..maybe if you had animated dolls. I can teach myself and my partner HOW!

You now I can accommodate toys to spice things up but swapping partners…nah. Either you are with me or not. If I don’t please you, tell me and we can go our separate ways. If you are married tough shit, till death do us part! Consider your self unsatisfied until you die. For better or worse….I guess you have worse.

Some non-monogamous people are married or live with a "primary" lover or spouse, but occasionally have casual sexual relationships outside their marriages. Other people oppose marriage and have more than one committed long-term relationship concurrently. Still others are in "group marriages," living with several adults who share sexual and spousal relationships. Other people are inclined toward many relationships of a less committed nature, and are not seeking marriage or long-term relationships.

"But how can you have sex with someone and not become emotionally attached? Unless that person happens to be a prostitute and even then some men do become emotionally attached." Said one person who prefers to remain anonymous.

Well I don’t know, all I can say is be honest. Tell the person you are with that you not going to be happy with just that relationship you want to supersize your options.

"Having multi-sex partners or an open relationship - is hard - I've been in a couple and no matter what people say - jealousy does creep into ... in that people will always compare themselves to others - ie is he bigger than me, did she feel hotter than me, dis he....?? does she ...??? an so on .... detaching your emotions form the sex act can be done - but then to me I have always figured what's the point? Sexual fulfilmet is much to do with emotions as with the physical ..... so for me multi-sex partners in theory is great - in practise leads to a lot of resentment an hostility ... better to have one partner at a time - even if it last only 1 week .... " Said another case study

Men, especially, are designed by evolution to be attracted to sexual novelty and to gradually lose sexual attraction to the same partner in the absence of such novelty. Men are always visual whilst women are emotional. When women ask men to emotion bad things start to happen. I wont go into detail.

Do you think people should have one or more Lovers? Monogamy or Not?

The last case study said "I can’t get enough of women. I have to look at every woman who walks by. I watch porn, I flirt, I keep in touch with past girlfriends, I make new ones, I browse for women online. I get up to 30 e-mails a day from women. Once I have seduced them online, they are dying to meet me and usually sleep with me on the first date. Then I find the simplest flaw and use that against them to break it off. They are devastated. They feel I have used them sexually, and they are right."

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