Monday, March 23, 2009

TheTVObserver: The LAB 3

The return of The LAB has provided mixed emotions, yet one has to recognize that it cannot be as exciting as reading Thucydides, but then again it was written with a specific audience in mind. It leaves one who is, or should I say “was”, a fan to wish that the sheer majesty of its lack of entertainment as compared to its original premier, would deliver viewers from a painful and joyless an hour of TV.

It is safe to conclude that what we have watched thus far, and whilst we desperately hope it ends, is no longer The LAB we once enjoyed and loved. It is, I dare say, a spin-off without a creative name or balls. Here is a hint guys….try “The KAB”. Why? You will find out soon enough.

Viewers, who’ve enjoyed season two and three, are entitled to their position of excitement and sometimes joy at what they see on air. We do not feel compelled in anyway to blame them. What you don’t know won’t harm you! But I don’t think a guy who sleeps with a woman who was a man, would feel the same way.

The depravity of Jaws’ storyline could have been interesting if it was not an engraved part of the entire season. I had thought that the return of the show was going to be packed with surprises and lots of improvements to blow fans away…what with the amount of promos SABC3 aired at any available minute. The executives and cast members edging viewers to watch with ….“you are going to love it”. Talk about false advertising.

What made this show a hit was it’s ability to have a number of entertainment setups as a result of a combination of the shows very own characters and guest stars. The premise of the program provided a great opportunity for writers and producers to go wild in order to impel this show into a super drama.

Where are the deals which offered more excitement than listening to office manager interfere in everyone’s life. I miss Pearl; she knew how to call her to order. This season we are treated to a strong criminal element which is the basis for the entire season. Wonderful……what’s next? Mingus ships body parts through customs to try and save The LAB?

Based on the origins of the name of the show, this total suckfest of a season should have been called The KAB “Khathi, Atkins and Bhengu”, a spin-off of The LAB. Instead of "Lusipho, Atkins and Bhengu" – The LAB. Normally these financial firms will change their name with new ownership i.e. Khathi, but I guess they decided to go the safe route like most.

Some moments from The KAB:

The idea to have the show start from the end was fun, but it got very boring at some point and I don’t know where because I fell asleep whilst watching the show on my PVR in order to write this review. Mind you I was asleep eight hours last night.

When Jaws got kicked out of that mall construction deal, due to his questionable background. That sucked big time and it must have hurt, but I liked how real it seemed. I am sure some executive looked at it, wanted an instant refill of their prescription.

Enter the mob and ghosts. I have mixed emotions about the mob storyline, although interesting it did not live up to its potential...much like the season two hi-jacking...PS: Are they using the same writers. If so FIRE them!

When Monty was followed by the suspicious black men, whilst on route to a meeting. That was funny as hell. I am sure he felt like a prisoner in his own skin.

The dead child in Jaws’ bathroom after going into business with Faith. Well that was just creepy and not typical "The LAB", but since we are going down. We might as well creep viewers out with fantasies of writers and producers. Watching Jaws scream was just weird and very awkward not in a good way.

The new old lady who was Mingus' PA. Whose brilliant idea was it to bring her in. This wrong addition defined mistake beyond measure. She could do well as a friend of Barker's over at Isidingo. We all know Barker is need of friends. I just could not understand why this lady was cast. Her storyline was just boring and exhausting. As if the "Office Manager" was not bad enough.

Ah! the personal couch with a dark past, and Mingus was the one to believe her crafty persona...why am I not surprised. Mingus would have been more interesting if he was bisexual and both his partners were demanding freaks. That would have been more exciting to watch than this personal couching and snake saga.

The sex scene with Jaws was a Wonderbra commercial fantasy for some director or producer with too much power and imagination. Sex was never a selling point for this show and I am not saying they should not have sex...but c'mon. Anyway am sure most people enjoyed watching it.

Oh! did I mention Jaws screamed. Not attractive Jaws. Note to self Jaws..."I don't do screaming queen well. Find new way to scream without loosing my balls"

The actor who was more The LAB type standard of entertainment was the miner who cried as Jaws prepared to kill him. Jaws adds potential killer to his season three resume. How wonderful for him. This boy was great on the few scenes he was in....whilst the idea of Jaws killing someone sort of took things to far.

Here is a better look.

Boy wonder from Rhythm City made his appearance on The LAB and it was less than what I would expect from this confusing young "boy or man". At first I thought he was a little person and I was told NO! he is actually a child. Anyone with the truth please share. Anyway, he is a great actor and I feel he could have done more than be lost and mute.

How would your mother feel if you brought home a boy named "Virus" as your new boyfriend. Heart attack alert! He is Jaws' protection and I laughed so hard at his name, it was ridiculous. You feel violated at know his name. "Hi my name is virus", just as he shakes your hand and you instantly ask yourself "have I been infected?".

Who can forget Ms Shakes, Mr. CEO's trail PA. I once attended a meeting and this tea lady came in whilst on her mobile phone. She was having a lively conversation and despite the fact that the boardroom was packed with high ranking execs. She kept going on and even asked (sign language) one of the execs to hold the try. It was so funny everyone laughed. Besides, no one knew what she was on about. For all we knew, she could have been telling the other person that she is serving a bunch of pigs.

When the Atkins invited this lady to carry their child. I loved it when she went crazy with her demands. It could have been even nicer if she did carry the baby to term

Here are some draft cases for The LAB by TheTVObserver. We believe this could have made for a more exciting return of the show. I have more but I thought I should spare you:
  1. A lucrative deal with a major union, but everything falls apart when the LAB discovers that the deal is done through a dummy company because union bosses want to pay themselves inflated salaries because of their union affiliation and the support they give to companies to organize and prevent strikes. This gets worse when certain politicians are named in this scandal as beneficiaries of this dummy corporation in a multi-million rand BEE deal.
  2. The LAB lands another deal, this time a client wants to sell millions of acres of prime land. But it all gets very tricky when the client demands the LAB sell the land to three specific companies to ensure a good government score for its rating. Only to find out that the land is being sold for a fraction of the total value. Even thou the client assures The LAB that they will serve as the advisory firm for the land development, which in of itself is great multi-year contract for The LAB. Jaws, after underground investigation, discovers that there is corruption and in fact the client is using The LAB to benefit from a side deal which is worth billions from the three developers.
  3. A company formed pre-democracy which is now one of the largest in the country calls on The LAB to structure a deal which will avoid a potential law suit from destroying it. This is because its pre-democracy dealings have been unearthed and they trying a tactical strategy to avoid public embarrasement which will cost them billions in lost revenue. This after peopoe realize it financed food, military equipment, and more for the NP government to terrorise political parties and black people. Although The LAB partners see this opportunity as major for business, the real political positions of partners are revealed. Meanwhile the media is having a field day with leaked information due to The LAB's Office Manager's slippery tongue.
  4. Monty overhears a group of men discussing risky loans made by their high-flying bankers. Atkins introduces himself with hopes of snagging a big client but the client decides to give Monty business in exchange for night of tango. Conflicted Monty has to decide between loyalty to the firm or his partner. After the client makes it very clear that this deal is entirely up to Monty in front of his partners. Poor Monty feels the pressue and cant cope. The LAB partners makes it hard for Monty to think straight.
  5. A group of distillers approach The LAB for services in a new deal, but public officials conspire to influence The LAB to change the terms of the deal in order to secure their post political careers and lives.
  6. The government wants to fund a new government owned bank and is looking for service providers. The LAB hunts Pearl down to help them win the tender to be the financial advisory firm. But Pearl has other ideas which completly shake The LAB to the core.
  7. A power company has to deal with its BEE issues and looks for help at The LAB. But the giant utility holding company's collection of companies is so vast and so complicated that not even the client understands fully how much they are worth or how much of the industry they controlled. High powered BEE investment firms start courting The LAB with priceless gifts to have The LAB recommend them as the ideal BEE partner. After doing all the work The LAB discovers that the power company is worth less than R100 - which is what the owner has in his pocket. Everything is owned by third parties through complicated loans.
For the finale of this comprehensive review of season three of The LAB, here is a video brought to you in association with TheTVObserver's Memorable Moments. You gotta love the editing.... don't worry its very short...0:11-seconds, but worth every second.

The TVObserver Reviews:
A HOPELESS season!
A great show has been DESTROYED!
(Due to the strong language contained in the third review. We are unable to publish it). TheTVObserver team

By TheTVObserver
Contact: mailtheobserver (at)
© 2009. TheTVObserver. All Rights Reserved. Pictures used on TheTVObserver graphics and information sourced from third parties are the property of their respective owners. All rights reserved.

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