But what happens when men are interested in something else and women are busy looking, hoping and searching for signs that they have found "Romance and Love"? To help answer this question, TheTVObserver conducted special interviews with women who shared very sensitive details about their relations. We present the first episode in a series of special "re-run interviews".
Anonymous’ name: Let Baby
We met at work
How long were you guys together?
About 2 years
During your early days in the relationship, did he treat you different?
Yes, we spent most of our time together
There was a baby mama and a stream of girlfriends
How did you cope with all that?
I guess love is blind and I didn’t want to see the guy for who he really is and I believed as long as we are together we can conquer everything.
How did you feel whenever he would tell you what the other lady said?
Most of the time I tried to be understanding and I guess I was trying to be a good girlfriend by listening to his cries, he always told me that he broke up with his baby mama and as for the other ladies, they are his friends
Did you ever call him on it? What was his response when you did?
“I should not worry everything will be fine. I should just relax”
What made you believe that he would change?
I guess I didn’t want to see the truth and admit that he likes women. He was a womanizer
Did you ever catch him RED HANDED?
Yeah! I did catch him once with a high school kid.
Did you ever confront him about the cheating?
No. I kept quiet and he sent me an sms (text msg) saying he is sorry and why didn’t I shout at him because I caught him cheating
When he compared you to the other lady and said all those things, what went through your mind at the time?
That I am nothing cheap, he made me feel so worthless. Whatever I do, am never good enough
When you say you “think”; you stayed for the sex? How good was it? Keep it PG...
Oh! He was very good, he knew how to use his thing and he knew it. If he wanted something from me he knew that after having sex he will get it.
Did he ever leave you in debt, due to you giving him your money?
I was in a deep mess. I was giving him my rent money to pay, and every time I ask him about receipts he would make excuses until one day I found my flat locked. The worst part of it, I was with my baby and I had to get myself out of that situation. My mom was so angry. Luckily I had relatives around and stayed with them and my friends. It was stressful.
I went and asked him why did he tell his girlfriend, the one I had a confrontation with at the hospital, that I was his one night stand and laughed and told him that am strong because I managed to make a baby the 1st time I slept with him. He was there lying in the bed and he hadn’t eaten a thing and he had no one to help him out. All his friends had excuses and I asked him were was his girlfriend, so he told me a lot of stories then he started crying so I said I will give him the money
When he told you that he held your life in his hands what did you say?
I laughed and I told him we will see about that. I stopped calling and he was the one calling me and telling me that I don’t love him anymore. What goes around comes around
Did your friends and family know about him and his treatment towards you?
My friends knew about everything but as for my family he was a good boy. I guess we both pretended that everything was fine in front of our parents
Did any of your close friends and family ever say anything to you about the guy? And what did they say?
My best friend told me that the guy is cheating on me and she supported me through everything and I lost a lot of weight. My mom saw that I have lost weight and she just asked me why I don’t leave the guy because he is stressing me out. I don’t know how she knew.
What finally made you leave him?
I guess I had my baby to think of... I got tired of his lies excuses and his strings of girlfriends. I started drinking and dating other guys. He would then take my phone to check my sms’es (text msg’s) and beat the hell out of me. If he doesn’t get the answer he wanted or if he finds an sms from a guy, he would call the guy and tell him that I was his fiancé;
I never went to the police station or told my parents, only my friends knew because everything was happening in front of their eyes... I guess I loved the guy too much and I guess I also did it for his kids. If I have told my family I think all hell was going to break loose. I didn’t want to cause a huge fight. I think he told his family and I don’t care.
How did it feel the first day you were not with him anymore?
It was bad. Always thinking about him and feeling lonely thinking that I can’t love again and at the same time I was bitter at myself for allowing this guy to do this to me
The first time someone asked you out on a date how did you feel?
Weird, I somehow had to make sure that I don’t meet the guy knowing him “the ex”. He would have beaten the hell out of that boyfriend of mine.
Are you paranoid about men and relationships because of that experience?
I think I am. I don’t trust men anymore if I call a guy and he doesn’t answer his phone I think he is cheating. I don’t know why...if a guy makes a small mistake his out of my life for good.
Everybody knew about it. It is just that I didn’t want to see it because everything was done right in front of their eyes, because they made it public. He knew that whatever he throws at my face I will take it and keep quiet.
Such relationships are never easy and you loosing weight was a clear sign. What type of support did you have in order to get through that phase in your life?
My friends helped me a lot especially my best friend because she also went almost through the same thing. I guess at some point I decided to take control of my life and I told myself if I continue living my life like this I am letting the guy win. So I decided not to let him. I stopped blaming myself and forgave myself. I stopped thinking what went wrong and I decided to forgive him so that I could move on with my life. I remember this other day I went to do an abortion and I tried to be strong the whole day. I was with his whole family and him. In the afternoon I needed him because I was in pain and he was no where to be found. When I called him on Monday morning, a lady answered his phone and she told me “what do I want from her boyfriend”; she told me that they have been dating for about 3 months
My goodness Let Baby this is shocking; Wait…the abortion. I am sorry to revive old wounds. Was he the father? Did he ask you to do the abortion? Who paid for it? Did anyone know? This is very emotional. I can’t even begin to imagine how you felt but this was worse.
Yes he was the father, and we discussed it and agreed it was the only way out because I couldn’t have managed my baby, I was still very young. I did pay for it... my friend was the one who knows because I couldn’t make the appointment myself I asked her to do for me...at least he was there for me. We went together to do it and I had to put a happy face... I try not to talk about it and not to blame myself for it because God has already forgiven me and anyway life goes on... After doing it I went to the salon and cut my hair and when everyone asked I cut my hair. I told them that I needed a new start the worst part of it is that it was in winter...
Don’t depend on a man have something of your own and never make excuses for him. Don’t take everything he says for the sake of peace because that will kill you.. most important thing TRUST IN THE LORD Proverbs 3:6
What would you say to mothers who raise these types of men?
The thing is these types of men are good boys in front of their parents. So most parents won’t know what their kids are up to, because these types of guys know how to play their cards right. They will never beat you where people could see and they know how to socialize with other people... It will be difficult for people to believe you want to tell them that these types of people are abusive.
No I guess I don’t want to open my heart to someone again who will end up hurting me at the end of the day. I know that it’s not good and I am still working on that and the trust thing.
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